The Real Reason You Fear Being Yourself (What no one tells you about being independent)

I hear you’re frightened.

Frightened of standing-out, being called “different”, or even losing friends.
There’s a fear in being authentic, don’t you agree? But what if I said you could tackle that fear by understanding its true cause? And I promise, the true cause is probably not what you think it is.

It’s Not About Standing-Out

If you watched this week’s YouTube video, then you know this week’s personal development topic is all about standing-out from the group. In the video I give you 3 tips for becoming an independent thinker, so if you haven’t watched it yet, make sure you do that ASAP by clicking here. Being an independent thinker means standing out from the crowd. And most importantly, being an independent thinker means being brave enough to be your authentic self.

Here’s where it gets complicated: it turns out we are perfectly okay with being our authentic selves as long as others are okay with our authentic selves too. That means, we are not most frightened of standing out in the crowd, but rather, we are most frightened of not fitting.

the fear scale - unbalanced

So to truly face your fear of being authentic, you need to be willing to “not fit-in.”

Don’t Be Scared to Not Fit In

The better you feel about yourself, the less you’ll need others to lift you up. So if you want to be okay with not-fitting in, start knowing yourself better than you do right now. Get to understand your likes, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses. Understand why you might behave in certain ways and why you think certain things are fun. Now make a list of all those things.

Are you comfortable with everything on the list? If you answered “yes”, you will remain comfortable when someone else disapproves of an item on that list. You’ll learn to not need acceptance from others; you’ll learn to be perfectly content with expressing your independent thoughts and you’ll learn to welcome rebuttals.

Expect Rebuttal

I say “when” in the previous paragraph because disapproval from others is always guaranteed. So expect it. And be okay with it.

Use rebuts to your advantage because the more information you have, the more informed your opinions will be. Some people won’t like your honest opinions or your authentic self, so don’t be afraid when those people make their disapproval known. Expecting rebuttal allows you to build up bravery; so you’ll be more willing to stand-out even if that means not fitting in.

the fear scaled - balanced

Be Willing to Stand-Out

Ultimately you need to get comfortable being alone with your thoughts. The more comfortable you get with your thoughts, the more comfortable you’ll be sharing them.
So in order to counter balance the fear of not fitting-in, you need to be willing to stand-out.

Take a stand for something that none of your friends stand for and you’ll learn to defend your position. Get used to not fitting in and you’ll become comfortable with your authentic self.

So remember that the root cause of your fear of authenticity does not stem from standing-out, but rather from not fitting-in.

But I want you to embrace that true independence and as always, Happy Monday.

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Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional health advice.

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One comment

  1. Great Post!!! And so very true!!! I very much agree that no one minds standing out if they are being praised and applauded for how wonderful they are. However, it takes real courage to stand out and have the majority disagree with, or at least feel unsure about what you may be expressing. Rebuttals will absolutely come and being prepared to be secure in your beliefs instead of becoming defensive or fearful is vital to being an independent thinker.

    Keep up the great work my friend!

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