Selfcare Tips

Why You Should 🛑Stop🛑 Concerning Yourself with Self-Esteem

Give me ’til the end of of this 5 minute read to get you thinking differently about self-esteem.

Let’s start by looking at the definition of esteem:

Esteem ➡️ v. regard highly or favourably; regard with respect or admiration

Now hold that thought. And let’s look at the history of the word esteem:

“Esteem” comes from the Latin word aestimare and the Old French word estimer, meaning to estimate value or appraise (1) (2).

Now take the meaning of “esteem” and apply it to the way YOU perceive YOURSELF. Do you admire yourself? What sort of value you do you place on yourself?

High self-esteem; esteemed King.

If you value yourself highly, why is that? Do you have certain qualities that rank higher on the “esteem scale” than, say, your good friend?

And how about your friend … would you esteem the qualities of your good friend in the same way they would esteem them?

If you’re seriously thinking about those questions but not sure how to answer them, we are starting to get somewhere.

Do you esteem yourself?

Think about the intrinsic value of a human being (and yes, I said “intrinsic”). The intrinsic value of a human being (A.K.A. YOUR VALUE) is infinite.

So if the value of your being – your existence – is infinite, then why bother dissecting your being into qualities that you do or do not esteem?

When you describe the way you think about yourself, instead of saying “high or low self-esteem”, just use the term “self-worth”. Accepting the existence of your human-ness is preferable to a self-diagnosis of high or low self-esteem.

“But Ella, you’re over-thinking this. I am SUPPOSED to have high self-esteem! Having high self-esteem is good for my mental health!”

I SOOOO disagree.

First, I’m not over-thinking, I just like to use words properly. If words didn’t matter, I would start calling an apple and orange, and a house a car.

On that note, if you believe your humanness has value or purpose, then why use the word “esteem”? If you aren’t appraising yourself based on anything but your existence, then there’s nothing to appraise. You simply have worth as a human because you exist. Which leads me to my second point …

Neither appraising your qualities and placing yourself higher along the esteem scale NOR regarding yourself with esteem for no apparent reason are beneficial to your mental health. As I explained earlier, you have nothing to appraise – there is no scale of intrinsic human worth. And to the second point, your humanness alone leaves you capable of personal development and therefore capable of improving your life. You should not esteem yourself for no reason, but instead give your intrinsic worth meaning by improving your extrinsic qualities. It is always better to try to improving extrinsic qualities instead of lowering the value you place on yourself because of them.

Stacks of money represents not lowering your instrinsic value based on your extrinsic qualities

But most importantly, recognizing your worth does not mean you get life a participation trophy. Thinking you’re the bomb.com for no apparent reason is called narcissism. So instead, give yourself a reason to be confident in life. As a human you are COMPLETELY CAPABLE of giving yourself a good life by working hard for something that gives your worth, meaning. Take advantage of your humanness and give yourself a reason to keep living.

For example, both the alcoholic and brain surgeon have infinite worth. But only the brain surgeon has taken advantage of his humanness to give his worth, meaning.

And as you were probably expecting, here’s a nifty analogy to help you understand:

Let’s say you’re a soccer player. Your team never practices so they come in last place in the league. Your team should not get a trophy for simply participating. BUT just because you came in last place, that DOES NOT mean you or anyone on your team are no longer soccer players.

What your team decides to do is take advantage of their “soccer player-ness” and hold weekly practices. The more your team practices, the more your team gives itself a reason to keep competing.

So no matter your race, ability or disability, career, social economic status, etc., your existence as a human being has infinite worth.

You have self-worth because you are human.

Next time you say you have high or low self-esteem, remember that esteem doesn’t actually matter; what matters is the fact you exist and you can make your existence more meaningful everyday, and that alone is enough ❤

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*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional, medical, or legal advice.

New Beginnings

This is my “Why”

Are you feeling discouraged today? Well secret’s out – I am! And I was a little discouraged yesterday, and last week, and even last month…and maybe you were too.

For me, feeling discouraged definitely comes and goes. Especially since I am trying to do something a little out of the ordinary: I don’t have a 9-5 job, I am trying to get a blog off the ground, and I am trying to make motivational speaking my full time job. From the outside looking in, I’d say those goals are a bit daunting (and then from the inside looking in, I’d say “YUP. THEY ARE DAUNTING”).

I’ve seen people and blog posts and vloggers go viral in the span of a few days — it sucks to compare yourself to those people. There are days when I think it might not be worth the effort…And that’s when I have to remember why I started.

I am doing this (literally ALL of this) for YOU.

Not for me, not for 100,000 people, and not for $100,000. Every blog post, instagram photo, tweet, and facebook post is a message directly from me to YOU. In the past year or so, I’ve gained an amazing and wonderful outlook on life. And all I want is to help YOU find that exact same outlook. The love I have for existence is so real, so I made it my mission to help YOU feel that same love.

Sometimes you have to give without expecting anything in return. Sometimes you have to turn the other cheek to accept negative and unnecessary comments. Sometimes the things we are called to do in life are hard as f***, even if that just means living. But those are all the reasons we have to get things done. Once you start living for the good in life, it gives you momentum to keep going.

At the end of every day I don’t remember the negativety. I remember the friend, or family member, or person I barely know who told me my content inspires them. And right now that is only a handful of people. Maybe their will be more one day. Regardless of the number, I hope my message helps you love life, love living, and love existence.

That, my friends, is my “why”.

And as always, Happy Monday 🙂

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