Selfcare Tips

Why You Should 🛑Stop🛑 Concerning Yourself with Self-Esteem

Give me ’til the end of of this 5 minute read to get you thinking differently about self-esteem.

Let’s start by looking at the definition of esteem:

Esteem ➡️ v. regard highly or favourably; regard with respect or admiration

Now hold that thought. And let’s look at the history of the word esteem:

“Esteem” comes from the Latin word aestimare and the Old French word estimer, meaning to estimate value or appraise (1) (2).

Now take the meaning of “esteem” and apply it to the way YOU perceive YOURSELF. Do you admire yourself? What sort of value you do you place on yourself?

High self-esteem; esteemed King.

If you value yourself highly, why is that? Do you have certain qualities that rank higher on the “esteem scale” than, say, your good friend?

And how about your friend … would you esteem the qualities of your good friend in the same way they would esteem them?

If you’re seriously thinking about those questions but not sure how to answer them, we are starting to get somewhere.

Do you esteem yourself?

Think about the intrinsic value of a human being (and yes, I said “intrinsic”). The intrinsic value of a human being (A.K.A. YOUR VALUE) is infinite.

So if the value of your being – your existence – is infinite, then why bother dissecting your being into qualities that you do or do not esteem?

When you describe the way you think about yourself, instead of saying “high or low self-esteem”, just use the term “self-worth”. Accepting the existence of your human-ness is preferable to a self-diagnosis of high or low self-esteem.

“But Ella, you’re over-thinking this. I am SUPPOSED to have high self-esteem! Having high self-esteem is good for my mental health!”

I SOOOO disagree.

First, I’m not over-thinking, I just like to use words properly. If words didn’t matter, I would start calling an apple and orange, and a house a car.

On that note, if you believe your humanness has value or purpose, then why use the word “esteem”? If you aren’t appraising yourself based on anything but your existence, then there’s nothing to appraise. You simply have worth as a human because you exist. Which leads me to my second point …

Neither appraising your qualities and placing yourself higher along the esteem scale NOR regarding yourself with esteem for no apparent reason are beneficial to your mental health. As I explained earlier, you have nothing to appraise – there is no scale of intrinsic human worth. And to the second point, your humanness alone leaves you capable of personal development and therefore capable of improving your life. You should not esteem yourself for no reason, but instead give your intrinsic worth meaning by improving your extrinsic qualities. It is always better to try to improving extrinsic qualities instead of lowering the value you place on yourself because of them.

Stacks of money represents not lowering your instrinsic value based on your extrinsic qualities

But most importantly, recognizing your worth does not mean you get life a participation trophy. Thinking you’re the bomb.com for no apparent reason is called narcissism. So instead, give yourself a reason to be confident in life. As a human you are COMPLETELY CAPABLE of giving yourself a good life by working hard for something that gives your worth, meaning. Take advantage of your humanness and give yourself a reason to keep living.

For example, both the alcoholic and brain surgeon have infinite worth. But only the brain surgeon has taken advantage of his humanness to give his worth, meaning.

And as you were probably expecting, here’s a nifty analogy to help you understand:

Let’s say you’re a soccer player. Your team never practices so they come in last place in the league. Your team should not get a trophy for simply participating. BUT just because you came in last place, that DOES NOT mean you or anyone on your team are no longer soccer players.

What your team decides to do is take advantage of their “soccer player-ness” and hold weekly practices. The more your team practices, the more your team gives itself a reason to keep competing.

So no matter your race, ability or disability, career, social economic status, etc., your existence as a human being has infinite worth.

You have self-worth because you are human.

Next time you say you have high or low self-esteem, remember that esteem doesn’t actually matter; what matters is the fact you exist and you can make your existence more meaningful everyday, and that alone is enough ❤

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*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional, medical, or legal advice.

Self-development, Self-Discipline, Selfcare Tips

I’ve been dying to ask you this! 💬

Habit coaching session. Coach asking student an important question for personal development.

So. I see you made it to my post. Well thank you for supporting me 🙏❤

But most importantly, CONGRATULATIONS! Seriously, congrats for taking the first step in your personal development journey.

“Uhm Ella… what do you mean ‘first step’? What other steps are there to take?”

Well I’m glad you asked! Generally speaking there are only two steps: (1) figure out what to do (2) do it.

That leads me to a question I’ve been dying to ask you:

Are you an anchor or an engine?

Have you actually been implementing these motivation Monday tips I dish-out in my posts? Or, have you been reading them, saying “seems cool”, and then going back to your daily routines?

Dude, you gotta be an engine!

Be an engine!

You have to take action when you think it might be helpful. If you have a problem – any problem at all – it will persist UNTIL you actually do something to solve it.

Inaction = stagnation
Action = progress

Don’t create a habit of inaction when you could spend your moments pursuing answers to your questions and solutions to your problems.

Don’t be an anchor. Don’t hold yourself down when you need to move up in the world.

Don't be an anchor. Boat anchor.

START YOUR ENGINE TODAY… AND HERE’S HOW TO DO THAT:

Fuel Up.

You need to put yourself (your mind and your body) in a position where you are able to take action.

1) Fuel-up using your mind

Belief, gratitude, discipline. Those are three things necessary for your mental development. Belief in a goal, being grateful for your opportunities to reach that goal, and being disciplined in your positive thoughts will you help create that “moving up in the world” type of mindset.

Affirmations, happy thoughts, I am kind, worthy, and hard working.

2) Fuel-up using your body

Nutrition, fitness, intuition. Those are three things that will improve your physical health that will in turn improve your improve your brain health. Your brain is connected to your physical wellbeing in more ways than you think.

Proper diet and exercise prevent inflammation in your gut. In fact, recent studies show that “microbiome [(the good bacteria that live in your gut)] may influence cognition and behaviour by altering the functioning of the immune system.” So your ability to have a healthy mindset depends largely on whether you have a healthy body.

By giving your body the vitamins and nutrients necessary to thrive, you will be in a better position to push to new limits. You will be less fatigued, stronger, and more importantly you will learn to intuit what type of food and exercise works best for your body.

Healthy and nutritious fruit bowl

… And just when you thought I wasn’t going to include a nifty analogy to explain why you need to FUEL UP … BOOM here is it:

You’re at home Saturday morning and you want to make a nice meal. …but you have NO FOOD in your house. So you decide to TAKE ACTION.

You get in your car and put the key in the ignition so you can go to the grocery store for food. But wait … YOU HAVE NO GAS IN YOUR CAR!

That’s a problem because no gas means you can’t start your engine, and that means you can’t get food at the grocery store.

You need to fuel up. And in order to be in the proper position to fuel-up, you need to (1) locate the nearest gas station on a map, and (2) have your driver’s license.

If you’d like to wake up every morning motivated to reach your goals and thankful for your opportunities, you have to fill up your gas tank.

Fuel up so you can reach your goals. Fill up your gas tank

In conclusion …

… it’s not just about taking action, it’s about being it the right physical and mental space so that you can take action efficiently and strategically.

So pick a problem in your life. Start small and start with you. Don’t be concerned with rearranging the world around you until you address your personal short-comings. And if you want to start today, make sure you check out this blog post where I show you how to identify areas of your life to work on.

I hope you have an amazingly productive day and as always, have a very Happy Monday ❤✌

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*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional, medical, or legal advice.

Selfcare Tips

🤔 How to be Happy On a Monday

Happy Monday! … Right?

*insert awkward silence*

… What?

You mean you’re not happy? You’re telling me you’re miserable because you have 5 days left of work before you can relax again?

Damn…

Ok, well I really want you to be happy! And before you start questioning whether I’m oblivious to life’s problems, I’ll straight-up tell you I DO NOT THINK happiness is a 24/7 state of mind. I think happiness is something we choose to feel or find so that we can more easily be resilient in the face of adversity. This means you can be sad, anxious, stressed, or have any other negative reaction but you still decide to learn from experience, find positive aspects of your experience, and figure out how the hell you can keep moving forward.

You can find the key to happiness. I think I found it. Finding it was incredibly hard, but so incredibly worth it. Remember inner peace, positive mind.

That said, I need you to learn the key to happiness for the betterment of your health, your relationships, and your productivity. And as you may have guessed, I am going to tell you that key using this nifty analogy:

Think about the lightbulb in your kitchen. You know, the one you turned on this morning to make a cup of coffee before heading out the door.

That light works because a small wire inside the lightbulb creates a circuit of electricity, and that electricity is drawn-in from whatever source the lightbulb is plugged in to. So when you turn the light on…BOOM, HAPPINESS…wait no, I mean LIGHT! Hmmm… they are quite similar, don’t you think?

A lightbulb shines from within. Just like the lightbulb, you can find true happiness and shine from within.

Imagine yourself as that lightbulb.

If you want to shine, the little wire circuit inside of you has to (1) create a closed circuit, and (2) be plugged into a source of electricity.

So just like the light, happiness comes from within you; it is a decision you make to regard at least some part of an experience as positive (even if that just means learning from something shitty). HOWEVER you can’t forget about “plugging-in” to good sources of electricity like family, friends, content such as books and films, work, hobbies, etc.

But… remember that even if you’re plugged-in to the right things, you can’t find true happiness unless the wire circuit inside you is complete.

To find true happiness, you have to follow the personal development loop. What this means, is you have to give yourself the right doses of self-care, self-development, and self-discipline in order to live a balanced life.

Stressed from work? Use your lunch break to assess why that is.

Concerned about money? Take 2 hours on a weekend to set-up a budget.

Want to wake up earlier? Work on getting more restful sleeps then accept that you need to wake up when your alarm goes off EVEN THOUGH that will be hard.

You can do it. But that “it” you’re looking for can only come from you.

And to clarify again, I am NOT telling you to become happy 24/7 and therefore oblivious to the challenges of life. I AM telling you it is possible to learn how to manage shitty circumstances. Because the quicker you can bounce back from a tough time or pull through a struggle, the quicker you will get back to happiness.

So why is happiness important?

1) Your relationships will improve because others will enjoy being around you.

2) Your outlook on life will improve, therefore bettering your mental health.

3) Most importantly, happiness will motivate you to continue developing yourself.

And speaking from personal experience, my focus on happiness has VASTLY reduced my stress, improved my patience, and even improved my general attitude towards life.

Because I’ve trained myself to see the positive aspects of life while also learning from the negative aspects, there’s nothing that can stop me from moving forward.

So in conclusion…

… remember to be like that lightbulb in your kitchen. Because once you are, you’ll shine bright for everyone around you….once you are, you’ll be happy.

Shine bright like a lightbulb, bright with happiness.

So as always, I hope you have a very happy Monday ❤✌

“Outside, winter’s darkness closes in. Inside, you have found your own Light.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

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*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional, medical, or legal advice.

Selfcare Tips

How to Finally Feel Comfortable in Your Own Skin (Learn to Be Yourself in 3 Steps)

Be comfortable in your own skin

Socialization has a funny way of eating away your self-confidence.

… Don’t you agree?

Think about it, you were born a happy little baby, but as soon as you were exposed to society – whether that was through school, social media, or recreational activities – the self-judgment began.

“I want those new Jordans because they are the fly-est shoe.”
“I want a thinner waist so I can look hot on the gram.”
“I need bigger lips to make me feel pretty.”
“I need to do squats everyday so my ass can look bomb.”

Stop. You don’t need to punish yourself like that.

You want to feel good about yourself – I get it. Who the hell doesn’t want that? But (and here comes the shocker) did you know you can legitimately feel good about yourself just by owning the body and the personality you were born with??

I know that may sound crazy (especially if you’re under 20), but if you read this post til the end, I’ll teach you 3 things you can start implementing in order to become comfortable in your own skin.

1) Physically remove the nonsense.

Yes I said “physically”. There is no way I’d sit here and tell you to start by mentally ignoring things and people that don’t serve you because that requires a lot of willpower. And let’s not kid ourselves, very few people in the world have that kind of willpower, and they are probably not reading this post.

So if you’re starting from square one like most of us are, please go ahead and start the implementing the following: unfollow, block, mute, unfriend, and delete. Do whatever it physically takes to cut out the things and people breaking-down your self-confidence.

Delete fake friends

With that will come the end of comparisons.

Keep in mind, unless you can magically become another person like some “Freaky Friday” shit, you have approximately 0 reasons to compare yourself to others. You would not compare apples to oranges so why in the hell would you compare your life to the life of another person?!?! The fact is, you don’t know what’s going on inside anyone’s head, anyone’s home, or anyone’s life. So please stop wishing you were people you don’t know anything about.

2) Realize that other people want what you have.

There are literally 7 billion people in this world. The chances that at least one of them wants hair like yours or a personality like yours or a nose like yours etc., is f***ing high! We all want what we don’t have. Well the tough news is, you only have what you have!

I think it is f***ing sick that there is nobody else in the world exactly like you. Even identical twins have differences in personality and behaviour!! BABE, you are LITERALLY 1 in 7 000 000 000 000! That in and of itself is a lovely freaking miracle!

Unique and lovely

Please understand that no matter how hard you try to not be you, your true self will always shine through. Always and forever, you will be lucky enough to be yourself, and that my friends is a beautiful thing.

3) If you want to succeed at anything (…and yes, I said anything) you HAVE TO work at it.

And, believe it or not, that includes being comfortable in your own skin! I know it may seem shocking that you have to practice such a thing. But being comfortable with yourself in a socialized world does not come naturally.

Have you ever realized that adults get embarrassed less often than kids and teenagers? That is because they’ve been being themselves for a longer time!

So the good news is, you’ll get there too. And you can get there quicker if you start to do little things every day that will make you feel confident. Start by doing your hair the way you want, then wearing the clothes you want, then working the job you want … then one day, a few years from now, you’ll wake up and realize you are absolutely full of happiness because you fully embraced the real you!

Decide right now how you are going to practice self-confidence over the next 7 days. Write down the way(s) in your calendar or agenda or on a random scrap of paper, then COMMIT to doing those things. 7 consecutive days is all you need to get the “confidence ball” rolling.

In conclusion, I need you to start being brave enough to feel vulnerable. Confidence can become a habit just like anything else can. It won’t happen overnight, and it will be hard as f***, but I swear the day you realize you love who you are, you’ll realize it was worth it.

As always, Happy Monday ❤✌

Love yourself

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*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional, medical, or legal advice.

Self-Discipline

Are You Ready to Reach Your Goals in 2019? (Part 3 of 3)

Think about this … “When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.” That couldn’t be more true … but I bet you’ve never considered this before:

“When the going gets easy and we forget to make it tough again, nothing goes.”

So what happens when nothing goes?

Easy: we lose. We stopping growing. We stop developing. We stop moving forward along the path toward success.

Part 3 – Self-Dicispline

Let’s begin our anecdote from where it ended last week: You began to water your seed and gave it proper sunlight; as a result you now have a little sprout. Maybe you even started to see a flower bud. Good enough, right? Wrong. The flower will eventually get old and die, so you need to plant new seeds and water them daily. We want to grow a entire garden. And to do that, you have to give your little sprouts the proper amount of water and sunshine each and every day. No excuses, no complaining. If you want a garden, you have to put in work.

You have to start doing things that are hard. You have to start challenging yourself. Every. Single. Day.

10 second exercise: Get a pen & paper and start making a list of things that are difficult but should be done. What’s on your list? Here’s a fraction of mine: Start reading 6-7 times a week, stop eating sweets during the day, stop following social accounts that don’t provide me with value, start making weekly YouTube videos.

Got your list? Good. Now start repeating the items on your list 24/7 in your head. Seriously – that is exactly how I stay on track. Don’t fall off your path and don’t let your thoughts talk you out of anything.

According to Elbert Green Hubbard, self-discipline is defined as “the ability to do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not”. So, when your alarm clock goes off at 5 AM tomorrow and you’re too tired to go water your sprouts, you get out of bed anyways and go water them. And when the temperature drops to 15°C and you need to bring your sprouts indoors, you go pot them and bring them in. These disciplinary actions repeated over time will eventually create habits. And when you create habits out of actions that are hard but necessary, success will become inevitable.

I know you’re capable of living your best life. So go get ‘er done and make your success inevitable.

As always, Happy Monday ❤✌

PS: For the ultimate self-discipline coaching, I highly recommend you watch this entire interview with David Goggins on Joe Rogan’s podcast.

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Selfcare Tips

Are You Ready to Reach Your Goals in 2019? (Part 2 of 3)

Faster. Tougher. Stronger.

Better.

We want that, don’t we? It certainly sounds good. But it also sounds daunting.

Why?

Because all these things, all these improvements, come at a cost: hard work.

If you read my blog post from last week, you hopefully started doing things that make you happy. You started taking care of yourself so you can take the second step toward achieving your goals.

Step 2- Self-Development.

Now that you are confident you can achieve your goals, you have to start taking the steps that will lead you there even though that will be hard. Sometimes that means achieving little wins, and other times that means taking 1 step backward so you can take 2 steps forward.

Let’s continue my anecdote from last week:

I took a break from life so I could learn to love my life.

Then … back to work, back to school, back to sports, and back to volunteering – 4 things I was dreading but knew I had to do. I started small, and then step-by-step I found a rhythm. Once that rhythm became easy to maintain, I knew I needed to challenge myself again — I needed to develop myself further.

I started doing things I wasn’t doing before, knowing that I could not grow until I planted some seeds. I am now trying to give my seeds the proper amounts of water and sunlight so they can successfully sprout.

I know I will eventually find another rhythm easy for me to maintain; my seeds will begin to sprout and I’ll be ready to challenge myself again.

Now it’s your turn to develop yourself. Decide to plant a seed. Maybe its public speaking, getting fit, or learning how to cook. No matter what type of seed you plant, just plant it and start watering. You won’t grow a flower in a day, but little-by-little, step-by-step, you will start to sprout. And if you keep at it long enough, you will grow more than a flower, you will grow an entire garden.

You will be ready for step 3, self-discipline. [Stay tuned for next week’s blog where I talk about self-discipline!]

As always, Happy Monday … and Happy New Year!!

PS: Do you want to learn how to stick to your new year’s resolution and stay accountable to your goals? Well consider joining my FREE 10 Day Personal Development program!

With the program you’ll get:

– Three 1:1 coaching sessions with me

– A habit tracker

– Access to my private Facebook community

– Motivation

– The self confidence you’re looking for to make 2019 the year of you!

So if you’re seriously ready to jumpstart the new year, email me at ellasssofia@gmail.com to let me know you’re in! I’ll be in touch asap with all the info!

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Selfcare Tips

Bonus: My Top 8 Books for Self-care

Bonus blog!

If you read my most recent blog post, you know I did a lot of reading during 2018. Most of the books I read were all about being introspective, attempting to understanding the universe we live in, and ultimately how to be happy and fulfilled in life.

So I decided to compile my top 8 books for self-care. If you read any of them, please let me know what you think in the comment section below 🙂

Please note that some of the links are affiliate links which means I will make a small commission off each purchase. Any commission I receive helps me to continue creating free content.

1. The Book of Afformations: Discovering the Missing Piece to Abundance, Health, Wealth, Love and Happiness by Noah St. John
Why I love it: This book changed the way I think about creating success habits. Unlike anything I’ve ever read, this book presents easy questions which automatically result in authentic answers to improve life and well-being!

To purchase: https://amzn.to/2BIg4iM

2. 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Dr. Jordan B. Peterson
Why I love it: This book is written in such a way that is is IMpossible to NOT realize where you need to improve your life. Learn why creating meaning in life is more important than anything else, and how meaning acn lead to happiness and fulfillment.

To purchase: https://amzn.to/2BI06p1

3. You are the Answer by Michael J. Tamura
Why I love it: This book allowed me to connect with myself on a spiritual level. After reading this, I realized exactly what the title suggests: I am the answer to my difficulties in life, and only I can create the path toward the solutions.

To purchase: https://amzn.to/2SnZNXn

4. Resilience: Navigating Life, Loss, and the Road to Success by Lisa Lisson
Why I love it: Wow. Just wow. Reading Lisa Lisson’s account of hardship as well as personal success made me incredibly grateful for my life; I realized I must stop taking things (and time) for granted as I pursue my life goals.

To purchase: https://amzn.to/2BIgGFi

5. The Happiness Equation: Want Nothing + Do Anything = Have Everything by Neil Pasricha
Why I love it: I realized success does not equal happiness. You must find harmony in what you say, think, and do.

To purchase: https://amzn.to/2Vb6z4A

6. Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What is Sacred by Mark Nepo
Why I love it: Introspective and Poetic. This book allowed me to find hope in the world and hope in my life.

To purchase: https://amzn.to/2CAq0MP

7. Top Brain Bottom Brain: Harnessing the Power of the Four Cognitive Modes by Dr. Stephen M. Kosslyn and G. Wayne Miller
Why I love it: This book provided me with a new understanding of how the brain works. Forget the limiting idea of left brain versus right brain, and instead open yourself up to multiple functions of your top brain and bottom brain!

To purchase: https://amzn.to/2LCy1np

8. Ten Messages Your Angel’s Want You to Know by Doreen Virtue
Why I love it: This book provided me with the realization I am not alone, as well as the courage to take my first step toward self-development.

To purchase: https://amzn.to/2VeMuKA

Check-out my entire book list on Goodreads @ ellasssofia 🙂

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