New Beginnings, Selfcare Tips

How to make this the #YearOfYou 😃

“Capitalize on your experiences to optimize your life.” Ella Sofia

What do you think that quote means? What is the first thing that comes to mind when you read that quote?

Are you thinking about money? Opportunity? Spiritual growth? Health and fitness?

Well if that’s what you’re thinking about…don’t stop! Those things, plus all the other facets of your life are what should come to mind after reading that quote.

“But why is that Ella?”

It is because the focus of the quote is on the experiences that make up your life…ALL OF THE EXPERIENCES. And if you can use each and every one of your life experiences in the best way possible, you will optimize the total outcome of your experiences i.e. you will live a good life.

I know that’s a lot to take in, so let me break down the process of capitalizing on life experiences into 3 steps.

1) Remember Your Life Can’t Be Exclusively Good, But it Can Be “Good Too”

“Ella, you have no idea what I’ve been through. How can you say I will have a good life?”

I can tell you that because YOU have the power to judge your own experiences. And although you will live through objectively bad experiences, if you can make those experiences “good too”, you will give yourself an advantage. Remeber, if you want to capitalize on anything, you want to “gain by turning something into an advantage.”

Here’s why that’s easy:

I’m not even asking you to 180° flip the way you perceive the experience.

Flipped image

I mean, if you want to continue seeing something negatively, be my guest. HOWEVER, what you do need to do is ask yourself additional questions so you can start seeing at least some positive as well.

Here’s a classic example (it’s actually one that I saw in a Tony Robbins live event):

Woman to Tony Robbins:

My father passed away when I was young and I feel like I’ve never been able to get over it. I feel like I missed something in life because he unfortunately wasn’t around. My own children can’t even meet their grandfather.

Tony Robbins’ response to woman:

You may be sad because your father was not around while you grew up and cannot be around for your children now. That feeling is both natural and normal.

BUT, what have you learned from your father passing early? Maybe the value of being a present mother for your children. Also how to love and appreciate your children. As well as how to be a present and supportive partner for your husband.

Maybe you also learned the importance of providing for your children in case something horrible ever happened to your husband.

All valid points right?

Well the woman sure thought so.

In summary, you have to remember that shitty stuff is going to happen in your life. You can totally view it as shitty, BUT if you can ADDITIONALLY find a way to view the situation positively, then you will ultimately make a gain.

Picture it like this:

Life Optimization Chart

Let’s say experience 1 was: you passed an exam with flying colours. You will likely view that experience as purely positive.

Now say for experience 2: you failed an exam. And now you have to retake the entire course!! That is definitely a negative experience… Now you have to spend more time and money learning the same material! BUT, where can you find positivity in the shitty experience?? Well let’s see… you are going to have the opportunity to learn the material a second time. That means you will be able to dive deeper on certain subjects and see things you didn’t see the first time around. And because you will review the material for a second time, you will retain the course material better i.e. you will be able to recall it quicker and remember it for a longer period of time. That knowledge retention will come in really handy when you have to apply it in real-life scenarios.

So although experience 2 is mostly shitty, you are capitalizing on the scenario in order to optimize your life in the future.

…which leads us to step #2

2) Optimize Don’t Fantasize

You don’t need to falsify positivity to impress others with your life. You don’t need to fake it ’til you make it. All you need to do is be grateful for the little things in front of you.

When you falsify positivity instead of just appreciating the positivity you already have in your life (even if that’s just a little), you become future-focused. By being future-focused, you do not optimize your life with what you currently have, but instead, you think about how your life could be optimized in the future.

My favourite tool you can use to help optimize your present life, is practicing gratitudehttps://gratefulness.org/resource/what-is-gratitude/.

When you practice gratitude you focus on appreciating and being thankful for the valuable things in your life, no matter how big or small, how significant or insignificant. A true mark of conscious gratitude is when you recognize and appreciate what is ordinary in their life; being consciously and outright thankful for experiences in your life which are a daily occurrence and not “out of the ordinary” for you, will allow you to be happy with what is in the present instead of what could be in the future.

Alternatively, living in fantasy land and pretending your life is full of positivity and sunshine, will remove your focus from the present and cause it to be on the unknown future. You will miss out on what life has offered you.

Remember to take life for what it is: multiple experiences that just happen. You can either stack your experiences like building blocks, or stagger them like lily pads. And if you choose to hop along the lily pad route, you choose to stand on false positivity (the kind of positivity that could enter your life). The lily pads – like your future-focused positivity – are not stable so you will never find yourself moving quickly or far across the pond.

However, if you choose the building blocks route, you will climb higher in your life using what you’ve learned from your past experiences. Each block stack represents deep-rooted gratitude for what you have in your life. That type of strong appreciation will allow you to optimize your way of living.

3) Do it Through Habit

I know what you’re thinking… “Jeez Ella. I’m not generally a positive person. I don’t think I can work to find positivity in everything like you mentioned.”

Well then let me ask you, do you enjoy being negative? Perhaps you had parents / role models growing up who were negative and thus you picked up that quality. If that is the case, please know it is 100% (yes i did say 100%) possible for you to change your mindset.

The easiest way to change your mindset is to create habits out of things like gratitude and asking questions that focus on positivity. Once these practices become habitual, it will be much less difficult for you to optimize your life. You will be happier, feel more successful, have an easier time being resilient to negative experiences, and of course, you will be able to climb out of your rock bottom.

Most importantly…

If you want to learn the step-by-step guide to creating new habits, make sure you sign up for my FREE #YearOfYou course by clicking here!

In the course you will learn

1) How to identify good and bad habits in your life.

2) Areas in your life where habits are missing.

3) The habit formula to help you create success habits and break habits that are hindering your personal development.

So don’t wait on this opportunity! Click here to enroll now.

As always, happy Monday ❤✌

[Like this post? Then don’t forget to follow my blog by typing in your email below. And consider sharing it with your friends and family on social media!]

*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional advice.*

New Beginnings, Self-development

Does the Limit Really Exist? (How to Realize your Endless Potential)

I’m sure we all recognize a Mean Girls GIF when we see one. What an awesome part in the movie, right? Cady answers the final question correctly in the math competition, and her high school mathlete team takes home the title!

But that’s not the important part. What’s important is what comes right before she answers the question. Cady approaches her competitor, Ms. Caroline Kraft, who “seriously needed to pluck her eyebrows” and wipe the cheap lip gloss off her front tooth.

Mean girl's character, Ms. Caroline Kraft

But then Cady immediately recognizes, making fun of Caroline Kraft wouldn’t stop Ms. Kraft from answering the math question correctly. And it was at that moment that Cady realized, “all you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.”

Then that’s when she says it… “The limit does not exist!”

No Limits, No Worries

Hiker achieves her goal by climbing to the top of a mountain.

Think about your goals. Maybe one of them is to run a 5 km race in a time of 20 minutes. The “problem” you now need to solve is “how do I run 5 km in 20 minutes?” And the obvious answer: train.

So you train hard for 3 months and end up reaching your goal – woohoo! But then what…? Well, option (1) you maintain the same training methods to maintain a 20 minute time for next race; or option (2) you give yourself another problem to solve – you decide to crank your training up a notch and shoot to make a time of 19 minutes and 55 seconds for the next race.

Long distance runners in a track event.

That’s what I love about being limitless – once you reach a goal, you can push harder to reach a more difficult goal. You are completely capable of getting out of your own way, and working to solve the new problem in front of you.

And if you are ever doubting yourself, remember this phrase:

“You can do anything!”

…wait, what!? You think that’s a cheesy and unrealistic statement?! Hmmm… I think not.

Maybe that statement is just a fact. Maybe the problem is you don’t believe in yourself enough to understand that fact as true.

Well I think it is true. What’s more, I think that if you are a human being, the improvements you can make everyday and the problems you can solve everyday are limitless.

Your Limit Does Not Exist

What do you think it means to be limitless? And in what sense can a human being truly be limitless?

Let’s break down the answers to those questions:

To be limitless is to recognize who you are today, and then recognize that you can be so much more tomorrow (and more the day after that, and more after that … you get the picture).

Now in what sense can you be limitless? Well that answer is interesting for the following reason. You see, most people immediately answer the question with “we have limits because we are human”. Most people think, because we are human, we just can’t do certain things (for example, flapping our arms so hard that we fly, or growing a fury coat to keep us warm in the winter). However, an answer like that tells me you don’t truly understand the power of being limitless; because an answer like that simply focuses on physical abilities.

So to answer my earlier question: we are limitless in the sense of our mental capabilities, not our physical abilities.

The Proof is in the Pudding

Think about every time you trained or studied for something. If it was a race, maybe you achieved a personal best time. If it was a test, maybe you got a 90% and scored the highest in the class.

Whatever it was, you were successful because you worked hard.

Now here’s something to think about: what if you worked harder? What if you used your capabilities to take you further next time around?

Let’s start with the example of writing a test. “Hold on Ella! I have no plans on taking the EXACT SAME test twice. So then how can I tell if I’ve pushed myself to new limits the second time around?”

That is a valid question.

But you have to remember, your limitless potential has nothing to do with answering a multiple choice question correctly, and EVERYTHING to do with HOW you go about answering that question.

Think about it, even standardized tests like the MCAT, LSAT, and SAT use a variety of questions across each individual test. But what is similar for each test is 1) knowledge testing 2) analytical testing 3) and communication testing. So if you focus your studying to improve those 3 areas, it is likely you will improve your test scores regardless of the questions being asked.

So let’s say you want to read test questions quicker. If you simply physically try to read as fast as you can, you probably won’t see much improvement. Alternatively, if you use your mental capacity to research ways to read faster and implement them on a daily basis (ex. using your finger to guide you as you read), you will start to notice improvements.

Think about the hundreds of thousands of people who, over history have said, “I have no idea how to do this”… and then thought and thought and until they figured that sh*t out!

Think about all the athletes in history who have set world record after world record. It seems there is always a new and better way to train.

Whether it was Einstein, Napoleon, Federer, or Musk all those people had to use their mental capacity to solve their problems.

So if you want to take advantage of your limitless potential, you need to be able to think your way out of difficult situations.

Defy the Odds

Can you picture your limit? Can you aactually visualize a moment where you are working hard but cannot work any harder?

If you just said “yes”, you are limiting yourself! Here’s the thing about being limitless: potential exists in the future and limits exist in the past.

If you can visualize your highest potential, you believe there is an end point. You believe there is a point you will reach and never be able to move past.

So if you want to visualize your highest potential without turning it into an end point destination, here’s one of my absolute favourite tips:

Your highest potential is just a dust door.

So if you hit that 20 minute record in the 5 km race, in that moment you might believe you reached your highest potential. But as soon as you knock on that door, POOF it disappears!

And once you have no door in your way, you continue to set more difficult goals. You continue push yourself to a new level because you are thinking smarter not harder.

That’s why the #YearofYou mantra is so powerful. Because it truly embraces the power of being limitless. Each day, you can truly take another step toward making the next 365 days the best you’ve ever experienced.

So as always, I hope you have a happy Monday, and don’t forget to make this the #YearOfYou!

[Like this post? Then don’t forget to follow my blog by typing in your email below. And consider sharing it with your friends and family on social media!]

*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional advice.*

New Beginnings, Self-development

Do These 3 Things BEFORE Getting Into ANY Relationship

Heartbreak. Break up. Let down.

I’m sure we’ve all felt some sort of gut-wrenching feelings after experiencing any of the three things mentioned above.

So how do we get past those feelings? How do we stop feeling lonely and start feeling whole with nothing but ourselves?

Answer: Heal yourself.

And before you roll your eyes at my seemingly woo-woo answer, please know that healing through coming to understand your true self is in fact practical, possible, and functional.

You have to heal yourself before you can love yourself.

…and most importantly, you have to do those things before giving your whole self to someone else in a romantic or platonic relationship.

How We Can Heal

Step 1: Stop the Perpetuity

Stop sign

Is who you were, who you want to become?

Do you want to perpetuate the same poor behaviour you might have learned when you were younger, possibly from parents or guardians?

Maybe you grew up with role models or guardians who held particular beliefs or ideas about life that you don’t want for yourself. And that doesn’t have to mean the beliefs or ideas were bad ones, just that you don’t want them.

Maybe you saw broken/bad relationships around you, so you picked up some habits of those who were in the bad relationships. Well I am telling you to recognize that, although you never wanted to be like “mom, dad, big sister, or person X,” being around them and having relationships with them probably caused you to pick up some of their behaviour whether you like it or not.

So it is important to recognize AND write down, which traits or behaviours you do NOT want for yourself when it comes to being in relationships.

Then everytime you act in a way that exemplifies those traits, WRITE THAT EXAMPLE DOWN.

Eventually you’ll create a report card for yourself; you’ll record concrete evidence and feedback so you can accelerate your learning.

Step 2: Get to know YOU…again and again and again

Me and words describing who I am. For example, I am honorable and capable.

Understand who the f*** you are.

What do you hold sacred based on your values? What are the beliefs that shape you? It is VERY IMPORTANT to note that these things will change throughout your life. And for that reason, you have to come to know what kind of person you are, at multiple points throughout your life.

Recognize that your adult self might be very different from your teenage or young adult self. If you reflect on who you are in each stage of your life, you will understand that what you wanted in a relationship as a 15 year old may no longer hold true.

To be clear here, I don’t mean that, at 15 you were into broad shoulders and a chiseled jaw, and now you’re into blonde hair and blue eyes. WHAT I MEAN IS, 15 year old you didn’t know what you know now. And when we gain knowledge, we adjust our beliefs, values, and wants accordingly.

Step 3: Accept that change is a must.

What is the next step? To be agile means you ca. adapt quickly and efficiently for the best results.

At the end of the day, people want to be in relationships with nice people. In fact, I don’t know anyone at all who is actually seeking out a miserable relationship.

Be someone that people want to be around.

If you recognized you need to change your behaviour or start hanging out with people who have values closer to yours, make those changes. And if you completed step 1, you should have a report card of your behaviour recorded to help you change.

Being a good person is hard, I get it. I like to think I put a lot of effort in to being kinder, more patient, and less confrontational everyday (YET I still have a LONG way to go). BUT my effort has attracted amazing people into my life whom I have formed relationships with.

At the end of the day, nobody wants a relationship with someone who is negative and inhibits their growth. So your big takeaway from this blog post is to NOT being that person.

Heal yourself, love yourself, and be the best version of you.

As always, Happy Monday ❤✌

[Like this post? Then don’t forget to follow my blog by typing in your email below. And consider sharing it with your friends and family on social media!]

*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional advice.

New Beginnings, Selfcare Tips

3 MORE Steps for Getting Rid of Shame (Part 2 of 2)

“I need counseling”

“I’m having suicidal thoughts”

“I tried to kill myself”

Are any of those words familiar to you?

Does the thought of saying “yes, they are familiar” make your stomach tie-up in a knot?

That feeling of discomfort is called shame. And shame is the feeling of guilt or embarrassment after doing something dishonourable.

…Interesting definition, eh? Now here’s where my important question comes in:

What is there is to be ashamed of?

If you read my post last week, then you already know the first 4 steps to ridding yourself of shame. And you know I mentioned that shame can arise from (1) your actions that namely effected others and (2) your actions that namely effected you.

Since we’re talking about the second reason today, I thought I’d discuss the 3 steps you can take if you feel ashamed of having poor mental health.

#1 Question the Logic

Recall the definition of shame – it is the feeling you get after doing something dishonourable. Hmmm… something doesn’t sit right with me here. Why should anyone feel they have done something dishonourable simply by suffering with poor mental health?

Think about having a broken arm or a scrape on your knee… my guess is you wouldn’t be ashamed of those physical injuries. But maybe you made a stupid decision that led you to injure yourself (ex. You ran on a wet floor or jumped off a tall fence). So it is the action that you should be questioning rather than the result of that action.

In retrospect, I made a lot of stupid decisions when I was festering in my downward mental health spiral. But at the time of those decisions, I genuinely thought I was doing the right thing for myself. So on one hand, you could say that not making the effort to improve your mental health is a sign of disrespect toward yourself (also keeping in mind that EVERYTHING you do has some sort of effect on other people). HOWEVER, if you don’t know how to go about improving your mental health before you start spiralling downward, stupid decisions become easy solutions to your problems.

Remember that perspective is everything. So if you are spiralling downward, you might think your decisions are awesome but you have to try to take the perspective of a mentally healthy person. Should a mentally healthy person have thoughts like this? Is it okay for me to self-harm? Those are the types of questions you should ask yourself and the answer of a healthy person would be NO.

That leads me to the next step…

#2 Confront Your Discomfort

When you start that downward spiral and think decisions like calling in sick for work when you feel fine and starving yourself because you think you’re too fat, are good decisions, it is time to confront your discomfort.

If you feel like shit…or maybe even worse than that… you have to admit that feeling to yourself. And more importantly, once you admit that feeling to yourself, you need to admit that your feelings are not good ones.

And with those admissions, you will and should respond by wondering how you can feel better.

For example, “I feel upset and sad all the time. Those are not good feelings. I should ask a professional for advice so I can feel good again.” Your response can be as simple as that.

Confront your discomfort instead of burying it deep inside yourself. As Dr. Brené Brown says, “When we bury the story, we forever stay the subject of the story. If we own the story we get to narrate the ending.”

#3 Be Proactive

Although confronting your discomfort is a must, it is even better to be proactive and manage or minimize the discomfort that could arise in the future.

Follow the personal development loop by balancing your self-care, self-development, and self-discipline so you can avoid a downward mental health spiral.

Study-up on tools that you can implement when you feel stressed, over-whelmed, and over-worked.

Just like you are not born with the knowledge of cooking, or plumbing, or writing, etc., you are not born with the knowledge of personal development. You have to learn how to do things through reading and asking questions. So going to see a psychologist shouldn’t be any more “shameful” than picking up a self-help book.

Work to fill your mental health toolbox so you can be prepared to battle your mental health struggles.

Be proactive, be ready, be resilient. And as always, have a very Happy Monday ❤

[Like this post? Then don’t forget to follow my blog by typing in your email below. And consider sharing it with your friends and family on social media!]

*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional, medical, or legal advice.

New Beginnings

What it Means to be Capable PLUS 3 Steps to Recognizing Your Self-Worth

In last week’s blog post I discussed the importance of recognizing your self-worth.

Humans have infinite worth

I mentioned that, as a human being, you are completely capable of developing yourself so that you can give meaning to your worth.

So my question for you today is: Do you know what it means to be capable?

Let’s start with ruling-out what you probably think capable means, and that is “the skill or power to do something”.

INCORRECT. That is actually the definition of the word able. On the otherhand, the word capable takes able to a whole new level. The word capable means to have the mental capacity or know-how to do things in the best way possible.

So as a human being, you may have certain physical characteristics and skills which help you reach your goals, but most importantly you have the brain power to strategize and figure out different ways to reach your goals.

Take the story of Nick Scott as a great example:

Nick Scott was a football player in high school. During high school, he got in a horrible car accident which ended his football career and put him in a wheelchair for life.

Even though Scott couldn’t walk, run, or play football, he still had the ability to bench press at the gym. So he capitalized on that ability and committed himself to benching more weight than anyone else in his high school. Nick Scott began to recognize he was still capable of creating a good life for himself even though his accident left him with a physical disability.

Scott’s weightlifting hobby soon turned into more than that — he decided to compete in a body building competition. After finding a new passion and talent, Scott fought to have a wheelchair bodybuilding competition established under the IFBB (International Ferderation of Bodybuilding and Fitness) so that him and others could compete professionally. He began winning shows and bodybuilding.com eventually signed him as one of their athletes.

Nick Scott wheelchair bodybuilder

Scott is now, a motivational speaker and a personal trainer for other men and women in wheelchairs who want to learn bodybuilding.

The moral…

Even though Scott wasn’t physically able to play football or use all the equipment in the gym, he used his mental capacity to figure out HOW he could become a winner in the body building world.

Nick Scott might have injured himself physically but he still recognized his infinite human worth – after he was injured, he exercised his CAPABILITIES to reach a new goal in the best way he could.

Just like Nick Scott, YOU are capable of reaching your goals. You are capable of strategizing and learning and developing yourself so that you too can be successful.

So if you don’t know how to access your capabilities try following these steps:

1) Make a list of your goals, both short term and long term, career related or personal.

List of goals to achieve

2) Write why you are or are not able of achieving each goal. Be realistic in your assessment.

Why am I able to achieve my goals?

3) Write down why you are capable of improving your abilities to meet your goals.

Why am I capable of achieving my goals?

Final Step: Realize that you just created new pathways of success for yourself.

New path to success created using my capabilities

In the words of Nick Scott, it’s not about your glass being half empty or half full, it’s about being grateful that you have a glass at all.

There are so many paths that can lead you to a single goal, so remember that if one path becomes impossible to go down, you can take another. Also remember that you can dig out a new and completely unique path for yourself. And even cooler than that, you can take a path that leads toward a different goal, one that you haven’t tried to reach before. You can do all this because you are a human and you are not meant to do just ONE thing in your life.

You are meant to THINK, DEVELOP, and ADAPT. You are meant to work hard and exercise your capabilities to give your worth some meaning.

And most importantly, you can do all those things and make the next 365 days the #YearOfYou.

As always, Happy Monday ❤✌

[Like this post? Then don’t forget to follow my blog by typing in your email below. And consider sharing it with your friends and family on social media!]

*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional, medical, or legal advice.

New Beginnings, Self-Discipline

Why Willpower is simple… but also hard🤔?

“Just do it.” Seems simple enough, right?

…Wrong! …but also, right!

Okay okay, you’re confused – I get it! But I am being serious when I say that “just do it” attitude is both simple yet not easy to master.

First I’ll tell you why it is simple:

Because there is one step to follow. Yup, that’s it. All you I have to do is “just work out everyday”, or “just not eat cookies”, or “just write a page everyday”. It’s as simple as frying an egg…you just do it.

And after you do whatever “it” is for a certain amount of time, the willpower you originally needed will lessen as your actions become habit. So sooner or later, all the effort it took to motivate you to hit the gym turns into no effort at all – going to the gym will become an automatic routine.

“But Ella, you don’t understand…. willpower isn’t as easy as you make it seem.”

Well wait a minute! I never said it was easy. In fact, what I said was, willpower is “not easy to master”.

You see, the word simple means “basic or uncomplicated.”

Whereas the word easy means “achieved without great effort”. So although willpower is uncomplicated, it requires a lot of effort to employ.

And the reason for this effort is…. THE FEELS, HABIT, and ADDICTION.

Let’s start with THE FEELS:

Feelings try to govern your decisions

So you say you want to lose weight and be more productive on weekends, but you continuously find yourself saying the following statements: “I should probabaly wake up and start my day, but I’m going to keep sleeping because my bed is so warm and comfy.”

“I should probably stop eating now, but this meal is so delicious that I have to finish it.”

You say these things because you want to do things that make you feel good. And more importantly, you want to do things that provide immediate gratification. So when you have to make a simple “do or don’t” decision, it is likely you will choose the action that makes you FEEL GOOD immediately.

Now let’s look at the same scenarios, but this time as driven by HABIT:

(1) “I don’t need an alarm to wake up! I am awake at 8 AM daily but I definitely need to be in bed by 10 PM the night before.”

(2) “I always find myself going for an afternoon cookie at work”

Bad habits like cookies everyday

Your brain wants to be efficient. And what better way to be efficient than to complete routines without thinking about them.

However there are problems with your routines: (1) you probably don’t need 10 hours of sleep every night, and (2) the daily afternoon cookie is not a benefit to your health.

So the downside is, you created habits out of those problems. And by consistently implementing these particular actions/problems, you have created automatic routines that will be difficult to break.

Now let’s touch on ADDICTION… which is a whole other ball game:

It is hard to break an addiction, but still possible. Don't be trapped by addiction.

Addiction involves a release of chemicals in your brain when you engage in a certain activity. This chemical factor, which can often lead to withdrawal and tolerance, make breaking an addiction much more difficult than breaking a habit. However, there are programs (such as Alcoholics Anonymous) and professionals who specialize in helping people break their addictions. So breaking an addiction is possible!

You can see that THE FEELS, HABIT, AND ADDICTION all create what I call the ambivalence of willpower. “Just do it” and “it feels good to NOT do it” create an unfortunate simultaneous dichotomy which makes the simple act of willpower an incredibly difficult task.

Ambivalence of willpower

BUT THE IMPORTANT PART IS…

It is completely possible to retrain your brain in order to create habits that work AGAINST the ambivalence of willpower. By analyzing the action you want to enact willpower against, you will be able to note whether that action is satisfying the feels, a habit, or an addiction. And once you know what is making willpower difficult, you will better understand what will make willpower easier for you.

Don’t take your human-ness for granted – you are completely capable of doing things that are hard. So remember to work smart, work strategically, and work for long-term success.

Don’t let the ambivalence of willpower slow you down, and make this the #YearOfYou

As always, Happy Monday ❤✌

[Like this post? Then don’t forget to follow my blog by typing in your email below. And consider sharing it with your friends and family on social media!]

*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional, medical, or legal advice.

New Beginnings, Selfcare Tips

Why I Don’t Want You to Kill Yourself … and Neither Should You 🙏❤

“It gets better,” they say.

And if you think they are lying, I will tell you first hand, they aren’t.

I’ll tell you it get’s better. From the absolute bottom of my heart I will tell you it gets better. But most importantly, I need you to believe that’s true.

You need to hear the whole truth:

For the rest of your life, you will continue to experience hard times, people will continue to hurt you, and you will occasionally fail. But the game changer is, YOU ARE going to learn how to deal with it all. So if you hang in there and put in a good fight, it WILL get better.

The whole truth is, you are going to learn how to find good friends. You are going to find and practice something you are good at. You are going to learn how to love yourself for who you are.

So maybe the whole truth is not that it gets better, but that YOU get a hell of a lot better at dealing with it. 💪🧠

You might need help to get your feet off the ground – that’s ok. Help comes in many different forms: from reading to journalling, social workers to doctors, from family to friends, from yoga to prayer, and even from medicine to weekly counseling. You might need to take a weekend off and spend it with yourself. And you might need to learn how to say “no” to people you love. But I promise, the small sacrifices you make will be worth it in the end. Because in the end you’ll be happy to be alive.

And if you still aren’t buying my plead for your life, let me tell you my “life got better” story:

Every single night for as long as I can remember, I’ve said my prayers before bed. And every single night for as long as I can remember, I asked God to “please bless every person around the world with a long, happy, and healthy life.” And then the kicker — after asking for the best for others, I’d always ask him to let me fall asleep and never wake up. [FYI, I still say my prayers every night. And FYI I dropped the second part from my nightly prayers last year.]

Sad (and slightly embarrassing) to say, I spent a lot of years hoping the worst for myself. And after 23 years of life, I’d still wake up in the morning and ask myself why I was still f***ing living. I started to think, what the hell was so wrong with me that (1) I didn’t know how to live happily and (2) I was still living …?

It took me until age 23 to finally ask somebody for some help. And even though most of me was miserable, a tiny incremental part of me was saying “YOU CAN DO IT”.

I had lots of friends, a great education, a superb family, a sick job, and basically a sweet friggin life. I recognized all of that! So why the hell was I still unhappy?

It was only when I started researching about the brain that I realized I was missing a major ingredient: I never believed it could get better.

I never believed it. Yes, I put in the work to have a sweet life…that helped. But I didn’t believe it was reality. I always thought, “well it’s been a great week. That means a bad day is right around the corner.”

I was not doing myself any favours.

It was like this:

Imagine you have a delicious plate of food in front of you. You have not taken a bite yet, but the food was prepared by a famous chef. Everyone knows it will taste good, including the chef. But you tell yourself it will taste horrible, so you refuse to eat it.

Why? … It’s because you primed your brain with negativity which stopped you from trying the food with an open and objective mind.

How many times have you primed your brain with something negative, which in turn altered your behaviour? You know, like if your friend tells you, “I don’t like that person”. Then you meet the person for the first time and you already dislike them. Or you read a bad review on a movie, so you go into the theatre already assuming you won’t like the movie.

Or in my case, I assumed I life was never going to get better so my attitude towards my life never changed.

Habits often begin with a simple belief – a simple daily prime of your brain to help you believe life will get better. If you believe it will never get better, it will never get better. But if you believe it will get better because you will try to make it better, you’re golden.

Now, when I look back at my sad years, I’m not sure what to make of them. Maybe I’m just an extra sensitive or emotional person. Maybe I have issues with serotonin and other hormones. But regardless, I’ve come to learn that my über emotional personality is not a bad thing.

Just like I did and many others have, you will have to work hard to be happy. But one day you’ll realize the hard work paid off.

I want you to live, work hard, find meaning, and learn to love existence. I want you to do all those things. And I want you to want all those things too.

After years upon years of not thinking I could do it, I actually did it. And you can do it too. I swear on my life that i love so much, YOU CAN F***ING DO IT.

I don’t want you to kill yourself. And neither should you❤.

[If you like this post and know someone who needs this message, please share it with them. And if you need to talk, I am only a message away! All my social accounts are listed at the bottom of this page if you want to get in contact. And my email is ellasssofia@gmail.com]

*Disclaimer: I am not a medical or mental health professional. Any information and content on my website is not a substitute for professional, medical, or legal advice.

New Beginnings, Selfcare Tips

6 Ways to Reclaim Your Identity

Lost.

… Does that resonate with you?

I’ll let you in on a secret: it resonates with me. Because that is how I felt, day after day, for a very long time.

Until recently.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days (which is actually great because that means I am human). But along my way I’ve learned 6 helpful tips that helped me reclaim my identity. And now I’d like to share them with you:

1. Your purpose changes as you change.

You do different things every day, right? Maybe you enjoy knitting, but after a few months you decide to find a new hobby. Maybe you went to school to be an engineer but changed programs and graduated as a physicist. So if our lives change on a micro scale so often, don’t you also think they can change on a macro scale?

2. You are limitless.

As a human being, there are a million and one things you have a chance at being good at. And if you don’t succeed at one thing, you can most definitely succeed at something else. Here is an example from my life: I always wanted to play soccer professionally and go to university for math and law. But, when I was 14 I had a brain injury. After that, playing soccer and solving math equations didn’t happen as quickly as they used to. This crushed me, and to be honest it still crushes me some days. But the fact of the matter is, my circumstances changed and I changed with them. Now, I understand that I am not a soccer player, but I am a woman who plays soccer, writes, speaks, and does a sh** ton of other things. What do you do?

3. You have an opportunity to be good at something that does not yet exist.

There are jobs that exist now that didn’t exist 5 years ago or 20 years ago. People invent shit all the time so maybe you’re dream job is on it’s way. Or maybe what you’re good at doesn’t exist in your world yet. Don’t forget that opportunities exist in the present as well as the future. Here’s another example, I signed up for Irish Dancing classes today. I am not Irish, and I don’t dance. But I am obsessed with Michael Flatley and wanted to try it out! Who knows, maybe I will surprise myself and be great!

4. You are not meant to be a single-use organism.

You were born to live. Not just sit on your couch and do nothing. As an intelligent being, you have the ability to do and experience multitudes of things! Don’t just “be”, “do”! Do anything. This is life – it is supposed to be meaningful. And furthermore, this life belongs to you! It is your heart and your soul that need to nourished, so nourish them with something that gives you meaning. You are supposed to be trying and failing and winning and losing. That is what makes the world go round!

5. You are required to know yourself on a deeper level.

If you feel like you lost yourself, maybe you are being tested. Maybe what you think is a horrible circumstance is actually something that will help you find fulfillment.

I listened to a talk by Jordan Peterson the other day where he briefly discussed forest fires. He mentioned that small fires are good because they get rid of dry kindling sitting on the forest floor. “A little bit of fire at the right time can stop everything from burning down,” he said. He went on to compare this statement to life. They say things always get worse before they get better, and I will say with experience that is 100% true.

6. You are limitless.

You are limitless in your potential. A friend once told me that when he was younger, he said to an older colleague, “I wish there was 1 book with all the information a person could ever know.” The colleague responded by saying, “There is. It’s called the internet.” Was he ever right! Depending on where you live, you can go to the library, get a free card, and use their internet for free! Imagine all the things you could learn for free if you did this for a few hours each week. We live in an era of globalization and technology, so take advantage of that!

Unfortunately we can’t all be professional soccer players or engineers or lawyers, but we can f***ing try. So go out into the world, learn new sh**, find out what your good at and stick with it.

The next time you feel lost, remember that you are not actually lost but rather moving toward the answer. You know where you’re going. And I want to help you get there.

[Like this post? Then don’t forget to follow my blog by typing in your email below. And consider sharing it with your friends and family on social media!]

New Beginnings, Selfcare Tips

How to Release Meaningless and Underlying Anger


Are you angry?

Here’s a better question: Are you happy, until without warning, a small occurrence causes you to become bitter and lash-out for what seems like no reason? Maybe this reaction has a negative effect on the people around you. Or worse, maybe this reaction has a negative effect on the way you view yourself.

Why do you think these reactions happen?

It is likely because “something” is bothering you, and it will continue to bother you until you find out concisely what the cause is.

So how do we address this “something”?

Well below is an exercise that helps me do just that. To complete it yourself just click the hyperlink (a new tab will open with a printable PDF of my exercise). Or simply grab a pen and paper to copy what is written on my PDF. I’ll wait here until you are ready. (note: you can not do this exercise on your phone or on your computer).

Ok, you ready?

Now write down the following commitment at the top of the page.

My Committment: “Today I am going to release the meaningless anger I am holding on to.  I am going to write down every situation that is currently making me angry, regardless of whether I have control over the situation. I recognize this anger does not serve me. Today I leave my anger on this paper because I do not deserve to be weighed down by it. My relationships do not deserve to be affected by my anger. I am going to release myself from my anger today.”

Don’t over think what comes next. Just write down the angering situations that come to your mind. Remember, we are writing down angering situations that do not serve us. These are situations that you have zero control over or situations where you are enacting some type of control but you cannot do anything more to change the outcome. 

Now here’s the best part: reflect on each item to determine
(1) whether you can take action,
(2) whether there is a deeper / root cause to your anger, and
(3) whether you have any type of control over the situation.
These instructions are in my PDF.

Now that everything is written down, reflect on your action items. Are they going to change the outcome of the situation? If so, take them. If not, forget about them; sometimes there is nothing you can do. Now focus on any deeper meaning causing your anger. If a deeper meaning exists, think about how you can address it.

Give all of this some good thought. We are trying to dig deep inside ourselves here.

If necessary, discuss what you’ve written with somebody who is being affected by your anger.

Once all is said and done, pick up the piece of paper, look at it, hold it tightly, and recognize that you just transferred all your meaningless negative anger onto the paper. 

Now, rip the paper in half. Pause.

Then rip it again, and again, and again until you can’t rip it anymore. Pause. Then take those pieces of paper and throw them in the garbage where they belong.

Leave it there. Leave your paper and leave your anger. They are gone. And you should feel lighter.

 Maybe you just realized you aren’t angry, but fearful (as I did). Maybe you fixed a troubled relationship. Maybe that relationship was with yourself.

Keep in mind you might have to complete this exercise more than once. The moment you complete it with all your soul is the moment you will feel so much relief.

I hope this helps.

As always, Happy Monday 🙂

[Like this post? Then don’t forget to follow my blog by typing in your email below. And consider sharing it with your friends and family on social media!]

New Beginnings

This is my “Why”

Are you feeling discouraged today? Well secret’s out – I am! And I was a little discouraged yesterday, and last week, and even last month…and maybe you were too.

For me, feeling discouraged definitely comes and goes. Especially since I am trying to do something a little out of the ordinary: I don’t have a 9-5 job, I am trying to get a blog off the ground, and I am trying to make motivational speaking my full time job. From the outside looking in, I’d say those goals are a bit daunting (and then from the inside looking in, I’d say “YUP. THEY ARE DAUNTING”).

I’ve seen people and blog posts and vloggers go viral in the span of a few days — it sucks to compare yourself to those people. There are days when I think it might not be worth the effort…And that’s when I have to remember why I started.

I am doing this (literally ALL of this) for YOU.

Not for me, not for 100,000 people, and not for $100,000. Every blog post, instagram photo, tweet, and facebook post is a message directly from me to YOU. In the past year or so, I’ve gained an amazing and wonderful outlook on life. And all I want is to help YOU find that exact same outlook. The love I have for existence is so real, so I made it my mission to help YOU feel that same love.

Sometimes you have to give without expecting anything in return. Sometimes you have to turn the other cheek to accept negative and unnecessary comments. Sometimes the things we are called to do in life are hard as f***, even if that just means living. But those are all the reasons we have to get things done. Once you start living for the good in life, it gives you momentum to keep going.

At the end of every day I don’t remember the negativety. I remember the friend, or family member, or person I barely know who told me my content inspires them. And right now that is only a handful of people. Maybe their will be more one day. Regardless of the number, I hope my message helps you love life, love living, and love existence.

That, my friends, is my “why”.

And as always, Happy Monday 🙂

[Like this post? Consider sharing it with your friends and family on social media!]